What are demands?

A demand is any request, instruction, or expectation placed on a child—big or small. For children with PDA, even simple demands like getting dressed, starting homework, or following a routine can feel overwhelming. It’s not about refusal or defiance; their nervous system perceives these demands as a threat to their autonomy, triggering anxiety and avoidance.

Because of this, many parents and experts find it helpful to reframe “demands” as “expectations.” Presenting tasks in a flexible, low-pressure way allows the child to feel more in control and less anxious. Understanding what a demand feels like for a child with PDA is the first step in supporting them with empathy, reducing stress, and encouraging cooperation in everyday life.