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<p>I wish we had known earlier and that bothered me for a long time -&nbsp; like so many others, we were given labels that almost fit, but not quite. First it was ADHD and then came Autism. And while parts of those descriptions made sense, there was always something more—nothing ever felt like it fully explained the daily and sometimes epic battles, the extreme anxiety, the need for her to be constantly in&nbsp; control and why nothing we did made it better- day after day, month after month, year after year...and then at age 9.... the diagnosis of <strong>PDA - Pathological Demand Avoidance.</strong></p><p>Finally, things clicked.<br>Finally, the pieces fit.</p><p><br>Getting a late diagnosis is bittersweet. There’s a mixture of&nbsp; sadness and anger for the years spent misunderstanding, struggling, and trying to fit into a framework that wasn’t built for our child.&nbsp; But there’s also relief and the empowering knowledge that you can finally understand and support your child in the ways he/she truly needs</p><p>We can’t change the past.<br>But we can change the future.</p>

Late Diagnosis, New Beginning

<h2>Understanding PDA: Dispelling the Myths</h2>

<p>Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a term that often sparks curiosity and misunderstanding. As part of the autism spectrum, PDA is characterized by an intense avoidance of everyday demands and expectations, often due to high anxiety levels. However, numerous misconceptions surround PDA, leading to confusion and misinformation.</p>

<figure id="figure-zdx6tif4tmihs9piz"><img id="zdx6tif4tmihs9piz" src="https://media.gettyimages.com/id/2185522611/photo/4-year-old-brunette-latina-girl-with-autism-spectrum-disorder-asd-like-asperger-rett-and.jpg?b=1&s=2048x2048&w=0&k=20&c=XEIyxzv3MEDpfTKtjta68ZijV2iEpfCeA_YtvWJD-jA=" alt="autism support" class="object-cover bg-gray-100" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9"></figure>

<h3>Myth 1: PDA Is Just Bad Behavior</h3>

<p>One of the most common myths is that PDA is merely a form of bad behavior. This assumption overlooks the underlying anxiety and need for control that drives demand avoidance. It's important to recognize that individuals with PDA experience overwhelming feelings of threat from everyday demands, which can trigger a flight-or-fight response.</p>

<p>Understanding this aspect of PDA helps in developing empathy and finding effective strategies to support those with the condition. Instead of labeling behaviors as merely disruptive, considering the emotional and psychological challenges faced by individuals with PDA is crucial.</p>

<h3>Myth 2: PDA Is Caused by Poor Parenting</h3>

<p>Another widespread misconception is that PDA results from poor parenting. This myth can lead to unjust blame on caregivers and hinder access to necessary support. PDA is a complex profile within the autism spectrum and is not caused by parenting style or techniques.</p>

<figure id="figure-xizalc9q2mihs9piz"><img id="xizalc9q2mihs9piz" src="https://media.gettyimages.com/id/1356427745/photo/shot-of-a-young-woman-bonding-with-her-baby-at-home.jpg?b=1&s=2048x2048&w=0&k=20&c=pEq51nZgyE_kzE69WtSPuh0PweO3vkc_GbObh2908WI=" alt="parenting support" class="object-cover bg-gray-100" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9"></figure>

<p>Parents and caregivers of children with PDA often need tailored strategies to manage the unique challenges it presents. Support networks and professional guidance can be invaluable in navigating these complexities.</p>

<h3>The Facts: Recognizing the Signs of PDA</h3>

<p>Understanding the characteristics of PDA can help dispel myths and provide clarity. Key signs include:</p>

<ul>
  <li>Anxiety-driven avoidance of everyday demands</li>
  <li>Excessive mood swings and impulsivity</li>
  <li>An obsessive resistance to ordinary requests</li>
  <li>Socially strategic behavior, often to avoid demands</li>
</ul>

<p>Each individual with PDA is unique, and symptoms can vary widely. Acknowledging these variances is essential in providing appropriate support.</p>

<figure id="figure-jcwckmw6cmemihs9piz"><img id="jcwckmw6cmemihs9piz" src="https://media.gettyimages.com/id/1494812701/photo/the-psychologist-who-is-listening-to-the-patient-is-taking-notes-in-his-notebook.jpg?b=1&s=2048x2048&w=0&k=20&c=n3vDcyP_5e3yzm8W9UEzHRLntMYYu42_ILTgUQJ1Vxg=" alt="mental health awareness" class="object-cover bg-gray-100" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9"></figure>

<h3>Strategies for Support</h3>

<p>For those supporting individuals with PDA, adopting a flexible and understanding approach is key. Techniques such as:</p>

<ol>
  <li>Offering choices to reduce perceived demands</li>
  <li>Using indirect language to make requests</li>
  <li>Building a strong, trusting relationship</li>
  <li>Encouraging self-expression through creative outlets</li>
</ol>

<p>These strategies can help manage anxiety and promote positive interactions.</p>

<h3>Conclusion: Promoting Awareness and Understanding</h3>

<p>Raising awareness about PDA and dispelling common myths are vital steps in ensuring that individuals with PDA receive the support and understanding they deserve. By educating ourselves and others, we can foster a more inclusive and empathetic society.</p>

<p>Continued research and advocacy are essential in providing resources and strategies that truly meet the needs of those with PDA.</p>

Myth-Busting PDA

Serious and pensive business woman behind paper work inside office, female financier worker thinks about contracts and reports with charts and graphs, successful woman uses laptop at work.

<p>Yeah, I’m a school advocate — something I never realized I didn’t want to be. It’s hard, because I don’t want to be that mom — the one who’s always asking for exceptions, extra breaks, or special considerations. I know there are other kids in the class who need support too, and I never want to seem like I don’t understand that but I need too -</p><p>They have no idea what often happens before we even make it out the door — the panic attacks, the tears, the harsh words, and refusals as we spend two exhausting hours just trying to get ready. There are mornings when brushing her hair or teeth simply isn’t possible, when the wrong spoon can trigger a full panic attack or when I have to help her get dressed because she just can’t do it herself that day.</p><p>Those mornings are so hard — I try to explain that it’s been a rough start, but then she walks into school smiling, cheerful, and politely saying “good morning.” No one would ever guess what it took to get there. They don’t see the struggle behind the mask-</p>

I'm a School Advocate

The sun shining through a majestic oak tree

We had a good day

<h2>Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance</h2><p>Seasonal changes can be especially tough for kids with PDA. Shifts in daylight, weather, and routines can heighten anxiety and make everyday life feel more overwhelming. As parents, recognizing this helps us respond with patience and support.</p><p>Keeping things as predictable as possible—like regular meals, familiar routines, and clear expectations—can make a big difference in helping them feel grounded.</p><p>At the same time, seasonal activities can bring moments of joy when introduced gently. Giving your child plenty of preparation and involving them in the planning helps them feel more in control and less overwhelmed.</p><p>Simple activities like decorating for holidays, trying seasonal treats, or going on nature walks can be lovely when offered at their pace. The goal is to create experiences that feel safe, comfortable, and truly enjoyable for them.</p>

Navigating Seasonal Changes

Stressed mother feeling desperate about stubborn daughter who screams.

<p>Some days feel heavier than others. My daughter is in burnout right now, and it’s a challenge I can’t quite put into words. The hardest part isn’t just the panic attacks, or the moments when even basic hygiene—brushing teeth, bathing—becomes overwhelming. It’s the uncertainty. It’s not knowing when this will ease, or how to support her in the ways she needs without pushing too hard.</p><p>Each day brings its own set of hurdles. Some days, a shower or brushing teeth feels like climbing a mountain. Some days, panic attacks appear out of nowhere, shaking both her and our sense of calm. And yet, we take it one small step at a time—gentle reminders, patient guidance, celebrating every little victory, even if it’s just a sip of water or a quick wash.</p><p>Burnout can be invisible to others, but for families living it, it is constant and exhausting. I share this because if you’re on this journey too, I want you to know: you’re not alone. Some days are going to be hard, some days slightly lighter, and sometimes all we can do is breathe with them, hold space for them, and hope the next day brings even the tiniest bit of relief.</p>

Blogs

Late Diagnosis, New Beginning

Myth-Busting PDA

I'm a School Advocate

We had a good day

Navigating Seasonal Changes

Burnout - When does it End